Feelings and Other Stupid Things

Today we had a successful day of spending 0.00 on food. Packed a breakfast, lunch and made dinner out of the groceries we bought yest for the whole week. Tonight's dinner:

chipotle chicken chili over trio/variety pasta topped with cheddar cheese and fritos

chipotle chicken chili over trio/variety pasta topped with cheddar cheese and fritos

Today's weather was a bit dreary -- rainy and actually kinda chilly this morning. Pretty good weather for chili. Our house is also always negative two degrees because sketchy is always hot so Chili is always a good option for us. 

Wedding Planning Blues:

i feel you chica.

you too.

So i've given it a few months to see if it'll blow over but i'm only more and more convinced that my feelings are genuine as the days go by. 

After the engagement i decided that i really didn't want to have a wedding anymore. As we're settling on bridesmaids/groomsmen outfits, talking about showers and bachelorette parties and booking vendors I just feel like i'm not genuinely excited about any of these items for one reason or another and re vendors I just see us throwing valuable money away. I used to say that i'd spend all the money in the world on a wedding because it's an experience and i love experiences, but i am just not that excited about this experience anymore. There are far more important things in life (at this point) i'd like to spend that money on or just save. So easy to just whittle away 20k, which would be fine if we were more excited about it or felt like we were spending it on something we really truly wanted. Definitely just had unrealistic expectations of multiple bonding fun trips and feeling a little closer to friends and family during this time. 

I feel that we're only having this wedding to appease family at this point. I can't handle that. I get really upset when i think about how long we've been engaged and how that is directly related to the fact that we're indian. indians have to make a big deal about weddings and invite everyone and put unnecessary pressure on kids to have some glamorous wedding that is more for them (the parents) than the actual two people getting married. If it was up to me, I would have had a small religious ceremony and then have a fun party with friends and family and just enjoyed ourselves. Not be concerned with every tiny detail being exactly as the parents or anyone else would like it to be. Certainly wouldn't be so concerned about just not having a wedding at all which is ultimately what i'd really like to do.

The only thing i'm truly excited about is pictures, mainly a photo shoot with sketchy. Something just for us. We're planning on doing a photo shoot the next time we're in Florida -- specifically want to do it at cocoa beach.

That's what's been on my mind for the past 3-4 months. 

Sketchy has been exceptionally good to me lately trying to get me from one week to the next by looking forward to little fun trips or date nights. He's been really good about planning mini vacations in the next couple months to take my mind off of the upcoming events that are unnecessarily stressing out my brain and making me an unhappy camper. Thank you Sketchy for listening to me whine and being helpful in life. I'm sorry that i can't really hide my genuine feeling from you -- my feeling that i'm simply not looking forward to January, other than to just have it be over with. =/ BUT I'm very much looking forward to our preseason games, little roadtrips and san fran/candlestick this fall! =)